Work is not life: 2 Weeks Notice

I never wanted to be a paramedic when I was growing up. I had always wanted to be a teacher and a mom. But as I went through my schooling, I found that teaching wasn't my passion. So I kind of bounced back and forth a little bit as far as a major goes. I finally settled on kinesiology. I was at the end of my two years at Junior College and I needed a total of 12 units in order to stay insured under my mom's insurance. Looking through the course catalog, I saw that an EMT class was available and it would fulfill the exact number of minimum units I needed in addition to my chemistry class.

I didn't know it then, but that was the beginning of the end. What they don't tell you in EMT class, is that if you love this job, you better not love money as well. You won't ever make a lot of money in this profession. What had started as just a class to fill the time became something I never knew I would love so much. I took multiple fire science classes and I ended up eventually going to paramedic school.

When I graduated as a paramedic, I took a year off but eventually found my way back to the field. I started working for AMR Riverside in 2013. I met so many wonderful people! So many people who had the same off sense of humor that I did. I even ended up meeting my husband! I had never felt so fulfilled as I did those first few years of working as a paramedic in the field. It is hard to explain the feeling of walking into a chaotic situation, knowing what to do (or at least looking like you know what to do) and bringing an air of calm. Being someone's rock in what is quite possibly the worst day of their life is not a small thing. It felt as if I was finally doing something that mattered.

Now here we are in the middle of 2018 and I have a 6 month old baby, a 10 year old bonus son, a dog and a house. Oh, and a husband! My sense of duty now belongs to my family and no longer to the job. That being said, I still love the job. I just love my family more.

The thought of leaving EMS, even if it is just temporarily, makes me very, very sad. For so long, my identity was that of a paramedic. I'm not going to lie, that job was really hard but also so much fun and so gratifying. The good days were really good days. And the rush that you get from making the right call and possibly saving someone's life is huge. But the only bigger rush I've ever felt in my entire life was the moment I delivered C and they put her on my chest. It is difficult to go from a job where not only do you bring home a paycheck but you also "save lives" to being a stay at home mom. Quite an adjustment. There's a part of me who wants the glory that comes from being a medic. The thrill of starting a line on a tough stick while bouncing down the road in the back of a rig. The kinship you feel when talking with fellow EMTs, medics and nurses. Knowing the lingo and making the correct call. Catching signs and symptoms that only mean something to someone who knows what they're looking out for. But... to be able to be home and raise our kids. To provide a stable and loving home. To take care of my husband and give him peace of mind because he knows things are handled on the home front. That matters the most. To leave something I worked so hard for is an incredibly difficult decision, even if it is only for a few years. But it's time.

I have always struggled with self worth and identity. Looking in the wrong places for validation and acceptance. As a 30 year old wife and mother, it's about damn time I know where my worth comes from. It doesn't come from my job. It doesn't come from what people think of me. It certainly doesn't come from what I think of me. It comes from what God thinks of me. And He thinks I am precious beyond measure (He values you beyond measure, too!). So while I will no longer be in the public eye, I will still be working my butt off to be the best I can be for my family. Plus, you can take the girl out of the field but you can't take the medic out of the girl. I'll always be a medic mama. It's second nature!

So to my EMS family, I'll be back. Watch your backs and be safe out there.